Lingering Hearts
by kitkat123
Summary: Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy split two years ago and have not been on speaking terms with eachother since. So then why can't they forget about the other. Can they ever make up?
1. Chapter one

Lingering Hearts Chapter one.  
  
Duo  
  
I find I compare all my boyfriends to my first love. Even though we are done and over with, sometimes I can't help but wonder why? Why didn't we make it? Why do I still have feelings for someone so long gone? I still miss him. I still live my life, but I have never really gotten over him. Not really. When you find that one person, that person who makes your whole life worth living, you know that whomever life throws at you, wherever it takes you, you'll always come to the same realization. You'll always know that that one person was the one you were meant to love forever and always with everything you have. He is your soul mate, your life, and your love, your everything. You wonder what cruel fate would take that away. And again I've reached the beginning and what I want to know is why? Why didn't we make it? Why isn't he still here beside me like he should be? Why is fate so cruel? Why? Why? Why?  
Heero  
  
It's the little things I've noticed lately that have me missing him again. The way we held hands. It was always so natural and comforting. With my current boyfriend it's not anything like that. It's so, so, out of place. I feel so awkward with my hand in his. His touch was so soft, gentle, warming and my boyfriend is nothing like that. I think I miss it. I miss the way he kissed me. It was so tender. His eyes, they were so full of love. Love for life, love for the world, love for everyone. But what I always saw the most was a love for me. That's how I always new he was the one, the one to make me happy the rest of my life. When he looked into my eyes, it was like he was looking through to my soul. I really like my boyfriend I'm with right now, it's just that, well, it's not nearly the same level I love him. It never will be.  
Duo  
  
Yesterday Alec (1) and I went out for pizza. We decided to go to Leon's Pizza Oven. We walked in and sat down. I wasn't even thinking about him. My mind, it was totally on Alec. That is until he took my hand. Then I immediately though of the way he always did that. He always kissed my hand when he took it. He'd look in my eyes as he did it. It was like seeing into each other's souls when that happened. When Alec takes my hand, its rough, like Alec's personality. Alec's not really into the romance stuff. I guess I'm lucky he even will take my hand. I can't stop thinking about him. I wish I could talk to him. It's been two years since we've spoken but I've seen him so many times. I constantly run into him. He just never sees me. Alec is talking about something; I'm not paying him much attention. This is wrong. Alec is my boyfriend not him. My thoughts should be on Alec. But can't help wonder what I'd see if I looked into Alec's eyes the way I did with him. I can always try. I ask Alec to look into my eyes for a minute. I stare deeply into his eyes for a minute until Alec finally asked me what I'm doing. I say nothing and we go back to eating. I happen to look away to the door. I see the back of his messy head and tight pants. I'd know him anywhere. At any angle. Is that weird? He was walking through the door, leaving with Dustin, hand in hand. I've lost him for good. I know it. He looked really content. And what's worse is I'm not in love with Alec. I know that. I realized it just now when I was looking in Alec's eyes. He is gone with Dustin. But I don't care. There has to be a reason I see him so much. Our destiny is to be together. I know Alec will be gone before long. When I looked into his eyes, they were empty of emotion. That was one thing his eyes always had when we looked into each other's eyes. Heero's eyes were always filled with love for me.  
Heero  
  
I saw him yesterday. Dustin(2) and I were getting ready to leave Leon's Pizza Oven. Dustin was speaking to an old couple in the booth next to us. He new their son from St. Francis, a boarding school for boys in Michigan or somewhere like that. I was putting my coat on as he walked by across the room. I couldn't believe I'd run into him again. This was the 3rd time in a week, though I never said anything to him, and he never saw me, it was just strange. It's as if fate is trying to pull us back together. Then I take a second look. No. Fate is just laughing in my face. He was just sitting down at a table with Alec. He's taken. He looked happy; then again, he always was happy, at least on the outside. That's something most don't know, he can be a very serious person. Dustin was still talking so I just watched him for a few minutes. He is such an angel with his long beautiful brown braid, violet eyes, and his energetic smile. They were holding hands across the table. Looking deep into each other's eyes. I know we are over. I know I have Dustin even though Dustin will never be like Dou. He will never be able to make me laugh. He will never be able to do to me in a lifetime what Dou could do in a single look. I know all that. And I still miss him even more. I still love him. No matter what, I always will. I have to get out of here before he sees me. I can't take being this close, yet so far away. And I need to stop comparing them. It's not fare to Dustin. I think Dustin will be out of the picture soon. He always seems to come out on the bottom when I do that. I ask Dustin if he is ready. He is and we are off. Walking out he takes my hand. It's cold. Duo's hand was never cold. 


	2. Chapter two

Lingering Hearts Chapter 2  
  
Duo  
  
Okay, it is official. I am single again. Alec and I had a big fight last night. And let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. Things were said, things were done. Wait, let me correct myself, someone was done. It's not what you are thinking. I didn't suddenly get the guts and walk up to Heero, confess my undying love and take him in the produce isle at Todd's grocery and deli. Ha, I wish that were it. Though I can't honestly say I didn't think about it when I saw him yesterday bent over picking melons. Well, (cough) a bit off subject. My rant for today. All right, Alec and I were supposed to go out for dinner last night with Quatre and Trowa, but when I got home yesterday afternoon, he had left this message on my answering machine.  
  
*** Duo's love shacks, if you're a friend, leave a message after the beep; if you're a phone solicitor, put that god damned phone down now. I don't want any, of course, unless you wanna talk dirty. Then by all means proceed.  
  
BEEP: Ah, cute Duo, always the jokester. Hey, it's Alec. Look, I'm really sorry about this but I have to cancel on dinner tonight. I'm just not feeling very good at all. I've got a nasty migraine and I'm running a low temp. Have fun with those two. I'll make it up to you. You can pick where. See you later. ***  
  
Well, me being the caring little boyfriend I am, I thought I'd check on Alec before I met Q-man and Trowa. I got to his apartment at, o say quarter till 6. That would give me 30 minutes tops with Alec, then enough time to get across town to met the guys at 7. And can you believe that when I got there, the door was unlocked so I just went in, and Heero's and my song was playing through out the house. I couldn't believe the irony. You've heard of it. God must have spent a little more time on you(4). Yeah, it's Nsync. What do you expect, we're gay. This song was playing when Heero and I first kissed. I walked in and called for Alec but he didn't answer. So I walked back to his room, if he didn't feel good, he's probably laying down in bed. But sounds were coming from that room, sounds a sick man doesn't make. Three guesses what I walk in on next. Correct. That idiot was fucking another man. They didn't notice me walk in until I shut the stereo off. I told Alec exactly what I thought of him cheating, and he tried to defend him self. Half way through being pissed at him for cheating on me and throwing a vase of flowers at the wall, I realized I was just acting like I should, not as I felt. I really didn't care about him. There had always been only one man for me and there always will be only one man for me. Even if that said man doesn't want me ever again as he so elegantly told me two years ago. I told Alec to have a good life and walked out setting the vase down on the table by the door. I didn't want to be late to met Quatre and Trowa. I mean, hey, they are two of my best friends.  
  
Heero  
  
You remember me saying Dustin would be out of the picture soon? Well, I was right. Dustin and I ran into Todd's grocery and deli last Wednesday to get a few things for dinner that night. Yes, I can cook, and quite well. I have an exotic taste. I think I picked that up from Duo. That guy likes the strangest foods. Living with someone so long as I did, it tends to happen. Off track. I was looking for something, what it was doesn't matter, but I saw him looking at he magazines. He looked so good, standing there, flipping through some mechanic magazine. His long chestnut braid fell just past his hips and those black leather pants hugged him in all the right places. Of course, this was another case of me not having the guts to let him know I was there. Then I thought, if I've seen him so many times, how has he not seen me? He probably has, he just doesn't want to speak to me. That got me a little down. I turned to go find Dustin to see him standing right behind me. He looked from me to Duo and back to me. He didn't say a word as he got in line to pay for the few items we had already gotten. Then when we got outside he finally broke the silence. His voice was shaky but he got his point across.  
  
"Heero, I really didn't think you'd stare at another guy for so long like that, especially when you know I'm near by and may just see you looking."  
  
I try to defend myself but he stops me.  
  
"It's ok, I've seen that look on your face before. It's the same one you get when that song comes on. What is it, God must have spent or something. It's the same one you get when you see that guy. Every time. I've never said anything before, but I can't take it anymore. I like you, but your heart is obviously with that guy. You know him, don't tell me you don't. I think I deserve to know who he is. Will you tell me Heero, or is it just another secret you are going to keep from me?"  
  
Well, let me tell you that got me. Dustin and I were about to break up, but it didn't matter. I wasn't in love with him. I knew I would never love another man ever again the moment I kissed Duo. I told him it was a long story and I would tell him, but not out here in the cold. I suggested Coffee with Einstein(5), the coffee shop down the street. He said that was alright and over mocha lattés I told him the whole story. Everything from the beginning of the war, to the first day I met Duo to the breakup. By the time I'm done, it's late and over mocha lattés we parted to be friends, but nothing more. Break ups are supposed to be hard. Right? It didn't matter, I'm in love with Duo. Always will be. My heart is his and his alone. 


	3. Chapter three

Lingering Hearts Chapter 3  
Duo  
  
Ok, see, I had been helping Trowa pick out a ring for Quatre on Saturday. Did I mention he was going to ask Q-man to marry him at the party? About time, they've only been together for eight years. Anyways Trowa and I were taken to the back room to look at some rings. For a change Mr. Silence was so nervous he was pretty talkative and didn't even notice Heero looking at a display of crosses. But I did and right as I was about to get the guts and say something to him he started to turn towards me and our eyes met for a split second, then Relena walked in and saw him and he looked away just as fast. I watched in amusement as he squirmed under her gaze. She never would give up on trying to get him. I realized Trowa was talking to me. He wanted me to hurry up. I slap myself on the forehead for agreeing to this and walk through the doorway to the back room. Two hours and a bazillion rings latter, Trowa finally picks a big diamond that has an aquamarine tent to it. Just like Quatre's eyes. Man, he's got it bad. Of course by the time we are done Heero and Relena are both gone. I stop at the counter display Heero was looking at. It was breath taking. There was an empty spot where someone had bought some thing then beside that empty spot was the golden cross necklace Heero had been looking at. I almost past out there, I couldn't believe that this necklace was an exact replica of the one I gave Heero on our first anniversary. I couldn't believe he would be looking at it. There was no question in my mind what I wanted to get him for Christmas. I purchased the necklace and dropped Trowa off then went home. I was so ecstatic, for the first time in nearly two years, Heero had looked into my eyes and I felt that same thing that's been dormant for so long. I felt his love for me. Some how, I know he will be at Quatre's Christmas party. God, I can wait. I just hope he has forgiven the things I said and did.  
  
***Flashback Two years ago, Christmas Party  
  
"Heero, why are you so gloomy? I thought you were excited to come."  
  
"Oh, Duo, lets just enjoy the party, I-I'll tell you later tonight." Heero said, getting up. "Come on, let's dance."  
  
"Alright, something is wrong, you hate to dance. Heero, what's going on?" Duo locked his legs around the chair. "I'm not moving until you tell me?"  
  
"Duo, please, not right now. I don't want to ruin our last nig-." He stopped. He didn't want to break this on Duo, not now.  
  
"What do you mean our last night?" Duo asked, breathing very hard in a shaky voice.  
  
"Forget about it angle, I just, I just, just forget about it, Okay?"  
  
"Heero Yuy, come with me right now, and you are going to tell me what the hell you are so upset about and what the fuck you mean by our last night ." Duo said in a very pissed tone.  
  
"Fine, where are we going?" Said a surrendered but very pissed Heero. His heart seemed to defy gravity as it rose into his throat. He was mad that he had to do this. Mad that Duo was already mad. Scared to death to think he could live with out Duo. Scared to know he had to.  
  
"I don't know yet, somewhere alone." He ended up leading them to an unused bedroom.  
  
Heero walked over to the windows and opened the curtains and windows. He bathed himself in the cool night air. It was unusually warm for being December. Then turning back to Duo, he began.  
  
"Duo, I love you, with all my heart, my soul, my mind and body. There isn't a second that goes by I don't think of you. You know that, right? You know that no matter what, I love you. With everything."  
  
"Yes, I know. Heero, what's this about? You are starting to scare me." Duo asked walking up to Heero, taking his hand. Heero lifted Duo's chin up so he was looking into his eyes and kissed him ever so lovingly and caring before pushing him away going into perfect soldier mode.  
  
"Duo, Dr. J. contacted me yesterday. He needs me for a mission. He said I was the only one who could do it. I'll be gone for two months. My bags are being packed as I speak."  
  
"YOU ACCEPTED, I THOUGHT WE AGREED NO MORE MISSIONS. HOW COULD YOU HEERO? AND FOR TWO MONTHS?" Duo screamed. He turned around so fast his braid flew like a blade as he punched the wall, leaving a dent. "I thought you love me enough to stop putting yourself in harms way. I guess I don't mean as much as your precious missions." Duo turned back to Heero, absolutely pissed. "WHY DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?" Duo ran at Heero and ripped the golden cross from his neck.  
  
"And this must not mean a god damned fucking thing either" he said in a completely impartial tone. "and the promise in it we made when the war ended. That we'd never leave each other's side to fight again. That we'd always be together. That we wouldn't put ourselves in danger because it would hurt the other to badly. That doesn't matter to you does it?"  
  
"Don't do this Duo, give it back. Of course it matters to me. You mean every thing to me. It's not as big of a deal as you are making. Two months. Its not forever. We've been apart longer and it was always ok." Heero said, trying to take Duo's hand.  
  
Duo backed up farther, as if Heero was a monster. Still clutching the cross like a lifeline. "But that was for the war and The Preventers. We got out of that. Don't you remember?"  
  
"Duo, stop, please, don't be so mad. I told him no at first. I really did, it's just, he said this is really important. I can't tell you details, there could be someone listening."  
  
"NO, you just don't care about us any more. And neither do I. You want to see how much I value our so-called love. This much." And Duo threw the golden cross out the window. They watched as it fell down the cliff side and into the water, lost forever. "I hate you Heero Yuy. I wish I never laid eyes on you. And I'm not just saying that to hurt you. You've hurt me so many times. Made me cry so many times. I can't take it any more. You've driven me over the edge. Driven me to attempt suicide more than once. I-I-I'm glad you leaving. Maybe I can finally have some peace in my life and heal. I'll never be better when you are here.  
  
"DUO, YOU DON'T MEAN THAT. STOP THIS. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? YOU WANTED ME TO TALK, WELL I AM NOW." Heero grabbed him by the shoulders and said in a voice barely above a whisper. "If you don't care about us anymore, its all the more reason for me to take this mission." With that Heero walked passed Duo and towards the door with the look like he'd kill anyone or thing, woman or child, young or old that crossed his path. Duo could see the reflection on the mirror into the window of his face.  
  
"NO, NO, STOP, THE WAR IS OVER, and we don't have to fight anymore." Duo had silent tears streaming down his cheeks. "The war is over Heero Yuy. And if you walk out that door" Duo was shaking uncontrollably. Their backs were to each other. Heero's hand on the doorknob and Duo looking down now, shaking, crying, his eyes only black shadows. His voice dropped so low that a normal human being could hear it. But Heero isn't normal and he did hear him. "If you walk out that door Heero Yuy, we are too." Duo waited to hear his footsteps come back but all he heard was the sound of a door opening and closing as Heero walked out of his life. If Duo had been listening harder, he would have heard Heero whisper, "I'm sorry angle."  
  
***End flashback  
  
I'm going to think about something else. I'm not going to think how mad he was that I made him choose. How I threw that cross out. I'm not going to think how he'd still be hear if I hadn't been such a jerk. What else can I think about? Hey that's good. It's like a week left until Christmas. I haven't even started shopping yet. Quatre always has a big Christmas party at his mansion and we all get together. Well, almost all of us. Heero didn't show at it last year. I almost didn't either, the memories of the year before that hurt too much, but hey, lets not think about that. It's almost Christmas. Yeah. Ok, now what to get for the girls, Hilde, Noin, Relena, and Dorothy, it's easy. I'm giving them a gift card for clothes. They can pick their present and I don't have to worry about offending anyone by getting the wrong size. Then there is Quatre, what do you get a guy who has all the money in the world for Christmas. Guess I'll have to be creative with his. Then Trowa. The guy doesn't speak. Maybe I could get him some therapy sessions so he'd speak more. Ha, just kidding, that's mean. Holly shit, I've got it. I just thought of the perfect gift for both Quatre and Trowa. Life size cardboard cut outs of each other. Then they can always be together. Aww. They are so lovey dovey. Okay, that's them, but what about Wufei. That guy can be so strange. He likes swords. I'll get him on of those then. That leaves Heero. Some how I know he is going to show this time. I already got him something anyways. You never know. Maybe he's not so mad anymore. He's had almost two years to get over it. .to get over me. But hey, I'm pretty sure whatever it was that he was so mad at to make him leave; it must be better, right? When he looked into my eyes at the Jewelry store, it was like old times. And if not, if I was wrong about what I felt, I'll just have to live with it.  
  
Heero  
  
Last Saturday I was with Quatre, he dragged me along with him to find the 'perfect' gift for Trowa. We went from store to store, looking at everything. We were in some store, there was so many they just all ran together so I couldn't tell you which one it was. But I heard the door open and her Royal Pain in the Ass walked in. I had to get out of there. I said one word to Quatre as I was leaving before she saw me. "Relena" Quatre understood. I went into the neighboring store to wait for Quatre to be done. I decided I might as well look around, Quatre had only just begun his search in the previous store, and it would be a while. I was inside a jewelry store and there was this case beside me of diamond cross necklaces and earrings. They were breathtaking. There was a golden cross in the middle all of it. It was beautiful. It was almost an exact replica of the one Duo had given me so many years ago. When we broke up almost two years ago, Duo had ripped it off my neck and threw it out the window, to be lost in the sea forever. God, he was so mad. I asked to see it. She took it out of the case and as she did the moment I saw the diamond studded cross earring that was sitting beside it, I thought of Duo. He had one that looked a lot like this during the war, but somehow it got lost. I remember walking into his room to tell him we had another mission and found him crying. And before I knew it I was lost in another memory.  
  
***Flashback*** Gundam Safe house  
  
Heero was walking down the hallway to Duo's room. The Dr.'s had just sent another mission they had to complete tomorrow. He thought he heard sobbing but wasn't sure until he knocked on Duos door.  
  
"G-G-Go away" Duo sobbed  
  
Taken aback by that Heero just stood there a minute before opening the door. He'd never seen or heard Duo cry before.  
  
"I said go away" Duo spat at Heero in a stuffy voice. He was trying to stop crying. The last thing he wanted was for Heero to have another thing to yell at him about. But the perfect soldier was cracked away when he saw Duo crying and he wanted to comfort him for some reason.  
  
"Duo, what's wrong?" Heero asked him in a concerned voice  
  
"Why do you care, you'd just tell me I was weak if you knew. So just, just leave me ALONE" with that Duo began to cry again. And when Heero didn't leave, he charged him and tried to push him out throwing punches hysterically. Heero grabbed his arms and pulled him close, trying to stop his frantic blows. Eventually Duo stopped fighting and collapsed into more tears. Heero pulled him into his lap and held him close, somehow sensing that he needed comfort, not criticism.  
  
"Duo, what's wrong? You don't have to hold it all in, you can tell me."  
  
"."  
  
"Duo, are you going to tell me what you were crying about?"  
  
"My earring."  
  
"Your earring, your kidding, it was just a piece of metal, I'm sure you can get another one."  
  
"It's not the earring its self, you don't have to be so incentive, it's the memories that were in it. It's all I have left from life at the orphanage. It was the only thing good in my life."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Duo." Heero was just lately realizing how much Duo meant to him, and he didn't want him to hurt. They had lived together in this safe house for a month now, and had been fighting this war together since the very beginning. He hadn't meant to be insensitive; he just didn't know how to act.  
  
"Why do you care so much all of a sudden, yesterday you'd kill me rather than look at me. What's with this sudden change." 'And why am I in his lap?' he thought to himself. 'Why don't I feel mad he would just go and pull me into such an intimate position? Why, because I've loved him since I met him, that's why.'  
  
"I-I don't know. I just saw you crying and wanted to comfort you. Though I don't really know if I'm doing it right."  
  
"You are" Duo answered back, his now silent tears subsiding, and snuggled his head under Heero's chin. "Heero" Duo said breathlessly  
  
"Yes"  
  
"This is nice, us sitting here. You know, I've been falling in love with you more and more every time I see you." He felt Heero tense. 'I've said this much, just finish what you have to say Duo. Come on now, you can do it.' "I didn't think you would ever care about me. I always thought you weren't capable of it. But now, it's just , I think you can love, you can have feelings. You showed just now that you do have them. Heero, I care about you a lot. I- I- I thinkIevenloveyou." Duo said really fast. Waiting for Heero to hit him for being weak or to get up and leave, he didn't expect him to say anything. That's probably why he jumped a little when Heero sighed, wrapped his arms tighter around Duo and began to speak.  
  
"Duo, I've never had emotions like these before, I've always been the perfect soldier. But the fact is I do have them now. And I find myself, well, liking you more and more. I think about you all the time. You take my breath away. When you're around, I want to smile, I want to be better, and I want to be able to love you. . Duo, you deserve some one who can love you the way you need, who can show their emotions, hell, someone who can smile and laugh and joke with you. But I just don't think I'm capable of that. I don't think I could ever love you the way you deserve. I can't give you what you need."  
  
And with that he let go of Duo and slid out from under him. But Duo wasn't about to let him leave. Not after they had both just said what had been said. He darted to the door and shut it before Heero could leave.  
  
"But you don't understand, the fact that you love me enough to have someone who could love me better, it shows there is no one else who loves me more than you. And as for being able to show emotion and laugh and smile, I can teach you that. Don't you see Heero? Don't you see you're what I need. I've lived so long not being able to hug and kiss you. But I'm changing that. The orphanage may have been the only good thing in my past, but if I have you in my future" he stopped, he had almost been yelling to get his point across. ".it would be the most wonderful thing in the world." He said in almost a whisper.  
  
Duo grabbed Heero's shirt and twirled him around so Heero's back was the one against the door. He wrapped his arms around Heero's neck and Heero wrapped his arms around Duo pulling him as close as humanly possible. And right there, they shared the first kiss of thousands to come. Their tongues battling fiercely for dominance. Just as Heero's gains the upper hand, Duo pulls back.  
  
"Heero, will you be in my future, I can't imagine up going back the way we were."  
  
"Don't worry Duo, I'll always be in your future. I don't think I could go back either." Heero leaned down and kissed Duo lightly on the lips a few times. He could feel Duo's hands running down his back searching for the end of his shirt.  
  
.the door to the Jewelry shop opens and pulls him out of his memories.  
  
***end flashback  
  
Duo walked in with Trowa. Speak of the devil. I saw them walk across the store with a lady who led them to a back room for picking wedding rings. Trowa must be finally going to ask Quatre. Took him long enough. It's been, what, eight years. This could be the perfect excuse to talk to him again. I'll speak to Trowa, and then it's only polite to speak to Duo. I turned towards them and my eyes met Duo's for a second before the door opened and I break the eye contact to see Relena walked in. When I turned back Trowa was dragging Duo into the room with him. It looked like he was about to say some thing to me. Seconds after they were gone Quatre came in with an apologetic face. Relena was jabbering away in my ear, flaunting her cleavage. I wonder what she'd do if I told her I was gay. Somehow, through all the years of me with Duo, she never picked up on it. She is just that stupid. I wanted to get Quatre out of here incase my guess about Trowa was correct. Quatre had asked me if I would go to the Christmas party as I was trying to usher them out of the store. I decided I would go to the Christmas party this time. That meant I had to get something for Duo. I knew exactly what to get too. I bought the earring that looked like the one Duo had for him for Christmas. We ditched Relena, and then Quatre and I went back to looking for the perfect gift. He finally found it and I got the rest of my Christmas shopping done for the party. But I haven't been able to stop thinking about how I felt for that split second our eyes met. That hole that's been growing in me had, for a split second, been filled. Maybe, just maybe, Duo has forgiven me.  
  
***  
  
Okay, how did you all like it? That's all I have done for now. I'll update again but probably not too soon. Sorry, but it just has to be like that. I don't have the internet in my house. So about once a month is all I'll be able to manage to update. Sux don't it? Well you try living with out internet or phone. Yeah, mom went crazy and shut it all off. She is threatening my cable next. Well, please pretty please, review. Tell me if you think it's a load of crap and all. Oh, yeah, the little numbers by some of the things in the first chapters, just ignore, I had comments there but they didn't load up and I'm too lazy to figure out why. Im an oddball and I like doing the disclaimers at the end of the third chapters (no, really that's just something else I forgot to do and I'm way to lazy to fix it and reload up a whole two chapters. But the oddball thing's right.)  
  
Disclaimer one. We all know I don't own any of the Gundam Wing stuff talked about. Hell,  
if I did, do you really think I'd be putting it on FanFiction?  
  
Disclaimer two. I don't own the song or anything about Nsync and God must have spent  
A little more time on you. 


	4. Chapter four

Lingering Hearts Chapter 4

Warnings: 1x2, 3x4 pairings, strong language inevitable XxXxXxLemon in this Chapter

Duo

Holly shit; you guys will never believe what happened today. I mean, I still am not sure I believe it. I was in the shower this morning and I heard the phone ring. I already had shampoo in my beautiful length of hair and wasn't about to get out of the shower with out having every last bit of it washed out. Yes, I am very protective about my hair. It's only taken me eight years to get it back to the length it was before Heero cut it. Hmph. That sexy bastard. Did I mention that he did it the day before we had uh, well, before we kissed. Yeah that's what we did.

Flashback

Duo was in the kitchen cleaning up breakfast when he heard Heero leave for an over night mission.

'Hmp. I'm here all alone, with nothing to do but clean. And Quatre and Trowa wont be back till tomorrow.'

"Damn Doctors keeping me here all locked up because of what, one screw up." Duo finishes putting the dishes in their proper place and begins to look for any other dirty dishes through out the house.

"I can't believe how messy these guys are. They just leave their dishes everywhere for me to pick up. Cause we all know I am not good for anything other than a woman's job as Wu-man put it before he left on a week long mission yesterday."

He goes through the living room, training room and library areas before heading to the bed rooms. Wufei is surprisingly thought less about dirty dishes, or he just likes to leave a mess to agitate Duo. Next he goes to Quatre's room. Then too Trowa's then to his own. Duo takes a load of dishes back to the kitchen and sets them in the sink.

"Shit, I forgot Heero's room. That guy probably doesn't have any though. He is so clean and he's always brought his back out to the kitchen. But it's better to be sure. Right?" Duo reasons to himself. He just wanted a reason to go into his room. Duo had been looking for a reason to find Heero's Journal ever since he let on that he kept one. Duo reaches his room, but the door is locked.

"Damn, now I gotta pick the lock. Easy enough." The door springs open once he has it unlocked. One quick sweep of the room tells him there is nothing dirty in this room. Not a speck. "Oh, well, I might as well look around. Wonder what Mr. Perfect soldier has in here. The only thing that looks out of place in this perfect room is that tattered old book." Duo walks over to the desk the book is sitting on. In Gold spidery writing it says 'Journal' on the cover. "No way he really does keeps one of these things, he wouldn't leave it out in the open for anyone to walk in and see." The voice in the back of his head know as a conscience told him Heero had his door lock so just that thing would not happen but he ignored it. Duo opens it and begins to read. There are some entries but what mostly fills it is poetry.

"I can't believe he writes. And poetry at that"

'You make me feel things I didn't know I was capable of. Things I didn't think possible

These things, they are strong and unmistakable These feelings, I'm almost certain That it's love Overwhelmingly felt for you

When my day is dark, you are my light When my night is cold, you warm my heart If I'm scared, all I have to do is think of you

I think I am going crazy Crazy just thinking of you Thinking of when I can finally kiss you When you hold me in your arms Protecting me form everything

I know that I need you always I can see us together, forever If you love me, the way I love you We can have the greatest love.'

"Wow, I can't believe he feels this way about some one." That voice keeps telling Duo that he wishes that some one was him. "I can't think about him this way. I can't, it will mess every thing up." Still curious he turns the page and begins to read again. But what he reads scares him so much he and pulls him in so that he doesn't hear anything but Heero's voice in his head, reading the poem like he must have in his own head as he wrote it out.

' This is all a bad dream. I can't breathe I'm drowning under the water It's cold and it's rushing in all at once I'm suffocating, I can't take it much longer This pain is unbearable.

I wish for deaths sweet lips I wish for the wonders of eternal night How I want it all to end

I want the hurt to be gone I can't take it The silence is deafening The darkness, it's blinding The walls are crumbling

I'm trapped My feelings are irrational My head is screaming

Someone drop the bomb Help me this loneliness is killing me I can't go on much longer Does anyone even hear me?

"I hear you Heero, I do, so much love and so much pain. How can you stand it." Duo says in almost a whisper to the book.

"By beating the living shit out of you for snooping in my room" Heero says while standing behind Duo. Duo never heard him come in and had Heero not pushed him down on the bed he would have jumped about three feet from the shock.

"I- I –I thought you had gone"

"I was, but I realized I didn't have this" He took the journal from Duo " so I came back to get it. But what do you know. I get back to find my door open and a long haired onna sitting on my bed going through my things." Heero walks over to his desk and picks up a pair of scissors and walks back to where Duo is cowering on his bed.

"What the hell do you think your going to do with those?"

"Just what you think. I've changed my mind about beating the fuck out of you. Your precious braid though, it's just got to go."

Duo tries to put on a fake smile. "Ha, that's all your going to do to me after I read your poems, after I found out that the great Heero Yuy is in love with some one, and hates his life and hates being lonely. Getting a little soft aren't you Yuy. Not the perfect solider anymore are you?" He tries to make Heero mad enough that he takes it out on his body and not his beautiful tress.

"Baka, you don't fool me, that damned hair is everything to you. And it drives me insane." 'yeah, insane with lust for you, I can't believe how much I want you. But if I let you get away with this, you'll know whom I was writing about for sure. Your not as stupid as you act.' Heero fights his way on top of Duo and pulls out the braid from behind him. Duo's eyes shine with fear.

"Ready, say good bye to your beautiful hair". 'Shit, I didn't just say beautiful did it? I can't stand to cut it all off, I'll only cut it to the middle of his back.'

The whole time Duo was struggling to get free. But Heero had his arms pined beneath his knees and was sitting on him. 'Under different circumstances, oh god, I'd be hard right now. This is going to give me wet dreams for a month. This is almost worth losing my hair. Almost, Better not let him know that though'

Duo let loose a string of insults that made Heero blush. "Get of off me you motherfuckingcocksuckingpussylickingtightdickingsixtyniningsonofabitch. I pray you're damnedtoloneliness. I hope your dickfallsoffandyouaredamnedtoalleternitytosuckyourm otherscock..." Yeah, it went on like that for a while. Duo really can have a foul mouth.

Then Heero cut it. About mid back in one clean cut and got up, picking the journal up with him and walked out telling him to 'clean up that damned mess he made with the hair.'

"I can't believe he fucking did that." Duo sat stunned retching behind him to see how much Heero actually cut. "Mid back. It could have been worse." He got up and picked up the severed hair. The braid had come out so now all that held it together was a thin black band at the end of the tress. The top part of the braid had come undone and Duo looked a lot like a girl. Duo straightened the bed up and walked out of Heero's room, not even pissed at that sexy son of a bitch. Just to have him on top of him like that was enough to stop him from being pissed. The strings of insults were just a show. But he did want to get some revenge on Heero. He had found out one thing that absolutely drove Heero crazy. Draw attention to him in a crowded place. Surprisingly, Heero has a fear of crowds. Well, it's not sooo surprising. end flashback

Heh, I can remember it like it was yesterday. I bet he still writes in his Journal. But anyways, what happened when I was in the shower was the phone rang and the answering machine picked it up. I really didn't care. I'd just call whoever it was back later. I could here it going off then the person would hang up and after about the fourth time, he finally left a message.

Duo's love shacks, if you're a friend, leave a message after the beep; if you're a phone solicitor, put that god damned phone down now. I don't want any, of course, unless you wanna talk dirty. Then by all means proceed.

BEEP: ...Duo...It's good to hear your voice, even if it's just a stupid recording...this is Heero... listen, Quatre's having his Christmas party this weekend, of course you know that...I was just going to make sure you'd be there. I really need to talk to you. I know what was said between us two years ago, but I hope we can forget that for one night. So well, I really hope to see you there.

I couldn't believe it. In less than 3 days I'm going to see Heero again. And not just like see him somewhere, and not say anything, but actually talk with him. I still can't believe he called me. He hates leaving a message. Hence the hanging up 3 times. Holly shit, I'm just, just so happy. I've got to go shopping and get a new outfit. I'm going to make Heero come back to me Saturday.

Heero

What the fuck ever possessed me to call that fool. I will never know. I made such a fool of my self on the damned answering machine. I hate those things. But, I want to make sure he's going to be there. I know I didn't imagine the spark between us when I saw him in that shop. God, it has been so long since I've heard his voice. Even if it was a recording, it was him. I hung the phone up a few times just so I could hear it again. I miss him so much. He picked up on everything. I remember one day he was talking to me in his usually flighty manner. He was going on about how people that kept Journals were really just keeping them so they could be seen by someone else, but not have to go through confrontation. He didn't always make since. I made the mistake of arguing with him about it. I told him that I wouldn't write in mine to have others read it but to help organize my thoughts. He picked up that I meant I write in one. Obviously I do, I mean, that's how you are reading what you are now, because I wrote it down.

Okay, time for an Authors note here. I think I might need to explain something I just realized I hadn't before. What you're reading are two Journals. One written by Heero and one by Duo. The flash backs you read are flash backs the characters are having while writing the entries. For the sake of the end of the story, and my sanity, the flash backs were written down as they happened. Also, in the flash backs, you magically know what both parties are thinking no matter the person having it. Okay, Any questions? Anyone lost yet cause I am. :) 

After I made that mistake he decided to go snooping in my room. Ha, I remember, that was day. That's when I cut his hair. Sweet revenge or so you'd think. I loved seeing that hair on him. He just looked so delicious with it. So I left some of it. He still looked good. And I got my point across. But I couldn't help wonder what he had written in his. I got to thinking about what he had said. Even though he rambles on a lot, there is usually a meaning buried deep within. He said that usually people write in journals so others can read then. If that's true then he was probably referring to his own journal. So I've decided to look for his. I think he was hinting whether he meant to or not. I was looking for it while he slept that morning after we got together...

Flashback Duo grabbed Heero's shirt and twirled him around so Heero's back was the one against the door. He wrapped his arms around Heero's neck and Heero wrapped his arms around Duo pulling him as close as humanly possible. And right there, they shared the first kiss of thousands to come. Their tongues battling fiercely for dominance. Just as Heero's gains the upper hand, Duo pulls back.

"Heero, will you be in my future, I can't imagine us going back the way we were."

"Don't worry Duo, I'll always be in your future. I don't think I could go back either." Heero leaned down and kissed Duo lightly on the lips a few times. He could feel Duo's hands running down his back searching for the end of his shirt as he moved his kisses down Duo's neck making the braided boy shiver. Duo broke their embrace to pull Heero's shirt off over his head. Heero did the same for Duo as they stumbled over to the bed. Some how losing both Heero's black spandex and Duo's skin tight leather pants. Both boys wore nothing under their pants.

Duo ended up under Heero strong body. Heero continued to plant kisses down Duo's well-sculpted chest.

Heero trailed sweet kisses back to Duo's lips and they began to kiss fiercely, tongues once again battling. Their hands roamed each other's body.

"Heero" Duo gasped. "I have...to have you".

Heero began to trail kisses back up the boy. "Angel, tell me what to do."

"You've never done this before?" By now Heero had retched the nape of his neck and was kissing his way up to Duo's lips. He kissed everywhere but his lips. His cheeks, nose, eyelids and his chin driving Duo mad. Duo finally caught Heero's lips with his own and they began to kiss, slow, deep, and sensuously. Heero finally pulled back again.

"No, you're my first everything." 'And last' Heero thought. He was glad he had never done anything with anyone else. He hadn't even kissed another. Sure he'd read a little about it. But he was still uncertain. Then he thought maybe Duo didn't want someone inexperienced. But that thought was gone as soon as Duo spoke.

"I'll have to prep you. There will be some pain at first." Duo caressed Heero's face.

Heero was now sitting on top of Duo, he took his hand and kissed it, looking into his eyes, his soul. "Duo, anytime I ever kiss you hand, I want you to know I'm telling you I love you. Okay, because I do. I love you." Heero kissed his hand again. "Do what you have to angel." Duo got a mischievous smile. "Of course love." He squirmed out from under Heero, shivering without Heero's warm body on top of him. He went over to a draw and pulled out a variety of strange toys setting them on top of dresser until he found what he was looking for. "found it" and with that he walked back over to Heero and gave it to him and this time crawled on top of Heero. He bent down and kissed him gently on the lips. "Of course, it's only fair that I get to toy with you for a while before you take me. I mean, you don't get to have all the fun." He ran his hands up Heero's chest. Loving how soft and strong it was.

Duo began to caress Heero's body with his hands while bathing it in butterfly kisses. He ran his tongue up Heero's neck, and planted a wet kiss on his lips, but pull back quickly so as to tease.

They wrapped their arms around each other after the first round of fun and cuddled a bit.

Heero hadn't believed that they had gone that far, but was still somewhat disappointed that it was all that had happened.

"Duo, I thought you wanted something else."

"Oh, Heero. I'm sorry I couldn't have stopped if my life depended on it." Duo leaned over and kissed Heero lightly on the lips. Then again and again, the kisses becoming deeper each time. In no time both boys were ready to go again and Duo was telling Heero what he was about to do..

"Okay Duo"

Duo came positioned himself behind Heero on his knees and reaching with his hands to lightly grasp Heero's hips. He traced small designs on Heero's hips then he leaned forward and slid his hands up Heero's sides, pulling his body upright slightly so that Heero's back was against Duo's chest.

Heero gasped, surprised when Duo suddenly leaned back, pulling Heero's body against his. His hands were on Heero's chest, not moving, just touching. Heero's leaned his head back to offer his neck and Duo gently sucked, leaving small marks of their actions this night. Duo placed sweet kisses upon his neck, giving him goose bums. Duo couldn't wait any longer. He had to take him and his control was wavering fast. Even with his loss of control, it was still the sweetest most romantic lovemaking you could ever hope to have. The two Gundams united that night in not only mind, heart and soul, but in body as well.

Later that night, once they had finished, Duo's hand was intertwined with Heero's. Duo's head was rested on Heero's shoulder.

His thick, now mid back length hair was out of its band. His beautiful hair was strung about the two lovers.

"Heero, love," "Hn." "I'm really sorry I said all those things yesterday. I'm glad your dick didn't fall off." He kissed his neck. "Really glad"

"Me too. And Duo, I'm really sorry I cut your hair. Do you forgive me. I know it was everything."

"Don't worry about it. It was worth it to hear you apologize." Duo pulled away from Heero and rolled to look him in the eyes. "I love you Heero Yuy. I always will. Ok. Nothing you could do can change that. Just know that I love you"

"Ai Shiteru" Heero whispered, taking Duo's hand and kissing it looking in his eyes.

The boys fell asleep there. In the morning Duo was still asleep when Heero woke up. Heero lay there for a while, just watching Duo sleep before he started to think of the Journal thing. He looked around a bit and saw sitting on top of the nightstand Duo had pulled out all of those toys from last night, sat a small book, that looked as if it could be a journal.

He quietly went to it and opened it to an odd page in the book. It was Duo's poetry book. Things he had written:

Flying awayGive me wingsI want to escapethe sky, its so inviting. Give me wingsI want to escapebut I can't leave your sideoh, fly, fly away

You're here on earththat you love so muchgrounded without wingscome with meI'll lend you mind. Give me wingslet me fly awayoh, come with meto paradisecome come, fly away with me

At the end of it there was one last line that made tears come to the stoic young pilot

I can't live with out you love come come with meHeero come fly away with me into forever. you and I, forever in love

Heero had been afraid that all of this had been another one of Duo's games or that Duo was had used him for his own reasons. Duo liked to toy with people's emotions. Heero was afraid Duo would use last night as some sort of revenge for cutting his hair. But now, now he was sure he really was loved by Duo.

endFlashback.

Thank god I read that. I really had feared that Duo was being his normal bastard self an toying with me. I think reading that brought me closer to him. I realized how much I loved him. So much. That's why I have to get him back at the Christmas party. I've got to make him want me again. I don't think I can't go with out him much longer. I wont go on with out him. I can't. I only hope what was said can be forgiven if not forgotten.


	5. Chapter five

Duo

Two days. Trowa called me last night. He seems to think Quatre might not want to be married to him. God, what a fool. It's obvious to everyone but Trowa that little blonde wants him. It's so cute I could gag. Two days. I'm at least going to get Heero to talk to me for one night. I don't know how he could ever have forgiven me though. I'm probably setting myself up for a fall. At least Solo wont be there this time. Trowa promised. If only he hadn't shown up last time. I had to make a big fucking deal about getting him to socialize. He came for me. He was only at that party to make me happy. And it ruined everything. If he didn't care for me so much. If I didn't use people to hurt others. But that's what I am, the God of Death. I don't bring happiness.

Flash Back

Their backs were to each other. Heero's hand on the doorknob and Duo looking down now, shaking, crying, his eyes only black shadows. His voice dropped so low that a normal human being couldn't hear it. But Heero isn't normal and he did hear him. "If you walk out that door Heero Yuy, we are too." Duo waited to hear his footsteps come back but all he heard was the sound of a door opening and closing as Heero walked out of his life. If Duo had been listening harder, he would have heard Heero whisper, "I'm sorry angle."

But he didn't hear him because he was too consumed with the pain of what had just transpired. Duo stayed in that room for another hour after Heero walked out. He couldn't bear to face their friends just yet. He knew that Heero had long since left, and told everyone a short and sufficient explanation. They'd all be looking to Duo for details.

Just when he thought he couldn't take any more of the pain, he decided he would climb up on the ledge of the balcony. Duo was ready to fly off to the rocks below. When he finally got the nerve, he leaned forward, expecting to fall, he wanted deaths sweet lips. The second he fell forward he had arms wrap around his waist and pull him back inside.

His heart leapt to his throat as he turns his head, expecting Heero. But when he saw Solo, he realized there was no going back. He had ended things with Heero. Heero is not someone to forgive things like that.

"Duo, why would you do that?" Solo breathed in to his ear. Duo was in his lap and when he asked that, it all spilled out. Every thing from the beginning to what had just happened.

Solo let him get it all out. Since they were kids, he'd been in love with Duo, but Duo had never returned the feelings. When he found out that Duo loved Heero. That was just too much. He hated Heero. But for now he was just happy to have Duo in his arms, comforting him.

"...And then I was just going to end it, end it all. But you stopped me Solo." Duo looked him in his eyes. "Why, why do you even care? All I do is hurt people." He laughed grimly. "I'm the God of Death, I'm Shinigami"

"No, No Duo, you bring happiness. You make people laugh. You make them happy."

"Yeah, well name one." He challenged.

"Me" Solo answered back meekly.

Then suddenly Duo remembered how familiar this was. Heero had held him in his arms the last time he had had that mental break down over the war. He realized how intimate this was and how close their lips were. He could feel Solos warm breath.

"Duo, you could never hurt me, and I would never hurt you. No way in hell would I leave you for any reason in the universe. Duo, I love you, I have since we were kids."

Duo had known that Solo had feelings for him, but he didn't know they were very strong. 'If I cant be happy with Heero, I can be happy with Solo.'

Solo narrowed the distance between their lips until they finally met. Duo was slow in responding, but he did as Solo brushed his lips lightly with his tongue. Duo parted his lips enough for Solo to slip in his tongue and they began a battle of control. Duo maneuvered around and pushed Solo to his back. Solo buried his hands in Duo lovely tress. Before long, Solo was on top. They were kissing fiercely, but Duo noticed that Solo's eyes were plastered to something he couldn't see. But before he could dwell on it, Solo began to grind against Duo.

As Duo moaned "Solo", they had finally moved enough Duo could see what Solo had been staring at.

"Kore wa nan desu ka"- He asked flatly

"HEERO!" Duo squirmed out from under Solo, utterly destroying the boys hopes of having Duo that night. "You came back" he said meekly

"I shouldn't have" Heero said coldly. "Shitsurei itashimasu"

"No, you don't, its not what it se, you don't understand Heero"

"Wakarimasu " Heero turned and walked out. And Duo, Duo just collapsed to fetal position. When Solo tried to comfort him, he just hit him. He'd really just lost Heero for good. After a few more tries at comfort, Solo gave up and left. Duo finally got up and went back out to the party.

Quatre and Trowa and Wufei intercepted him and began to ask what happened. "I'm sorry Duo, but what the hell happened. Heero sucked it up and came back to you. He told the doc. off. He wanted to apologize to you. I'm not beating around the bush here, don't you either."

"Solo" Duo uttered in utter disgust. He was walking towards the group. Duo ignored Wufei's talking. They all watched as he approached. "Duo, are you okay" he asked as he retched them.

Duo launched himself at Solo and knocked him to the ground. He sat on his stomach and got a few good head shots in before Trowa and Wufei pulled him off.

"DUO" Quatre screamed at him "STOP IT!"

Duo was completely ignoring the 3 gundam pilots' plead to stop. He struggled against the hold Trowa and Wufei had on him.

"SOLO HOW COULD YOU. YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND. YOU- you know I love him."

"I didn't know he was there Duo. I swear."

"MOTHER FUCKER. THAT'S BULL SHIT. YOU WERE STARING AT SOMETHING THE WHOLE TIME. I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT.!"

The pilots were starting to understand why Heero told them when he stormed out the second time to tell Solo if he EVER sees him he will do worse than murder him.

"Duo, how could you, with Solo, it hadn't even been a few hours." Quatre asked finally understanding it all.

Duo stopped struggling and collapsed again. He said in a quiet defeated tone.

"I thought that he was gone for ever. After what I said. I never dreamed that he would forgive that, or even try to come back. I figured I'd screwed up again. That bastard just happened to keep me from killing myself. If I couldn't have Heero, if I couldn't have him, might as well give my best friend what he wants. Cause it don't matter now." Duo looked up at Solo

"Why didn't you stop when you saw him. Why?Why?" Tears streamed shamelessly down his face. "I hate you Solo. Get out of my sight. You saved my life. I'll spare yours tonight. The next time I see you though, don't count on it."

End Flash Back

'I'm screwed. He can't have forgiven that. Maybe I just shouldn't go. He probably has some mission he needs me for. That's why he would call me."

Quick Notes...these japanesephrases mean...

(Kore wa nan desu ka- what is this?

Shitsurei itashimasu- excuse me. (In the sense, I have to leave now.)

Wakarimasu-I understand)

Heero

There are only two days left until the party. I'm getting really nervous. Yes, I can be nervous thanks to Duo. I don't know really what to write. I just hope he forgives me for over reacting. I know Solo took advantage of the situation, its not all Duo's fault like I tried to make him think.

What if he doesn't forgive me. When I walked in that room, expecting to find Duo alone and see solo on top of him I was so shocked. I remember standing there, Solo kept going at it, watching me all the time. But when they moved so Duo could see me., when I had to look at his face as he moaned Solos name, that was too much. He probably won't even speak to me. I mean, he didn't even answer his machine.

Okay, chapters one through five are up. I hope you like them …. I really would like some feed back. Good or Bad. I don't care. I just like to know people are reading this. I love writing and have began to write for myself and not for others so I hope it will improve. This is why, if you missed it in the last chap. I will no longer be including Lemons.


End file.
